TITLE: Algebraic geometry over symmetric monoidal categories (after To\"en and Vaqui\'e) ABSTRACT: I outline the approach of To\"en and Vaqui\'e to algebraic geometry relative to a symmetric monoidal category $C$. Let $Aff_C$ denote the opposite of the category of commutative monoids in $C$, and define a notion of Zariski topology by taking as open immersions the flat monos of finite presentation. Now a scheme relative to $C$ is a sheaf on $Aff_C$ that admits a Zariski open cover by representables. The construction is functorial in $C$, and base change is an important aspect of the theory. When $C$ is the category of abelian groups, the usual notion of scheme results. The interesting new cases lie below $Spec \mathbb{Z}$, escaping the realm of commutative rings. When $C$ is the category of sets we get a version of the mythical ``schemes over the field with one element'' ($\mathbb{F}_1$-schemes), cf.~Soul\'e, which can be base changed to $\mathbb{Z}$ to get usual schemes. Examples of $\mathbb{F}_1$-schemes are toric varieties. There is a homotopical version of the theory, relative to a $C$ with a Quillen model structure. This leads to different forms of homotopical algebraic geometry, including ``brave new schemes''. (Everything is from To\"en-Vaqui\'e, math.AG/0509684.)